I wonder about people's Christmas letters.
"Little Muffy got married this year.
We had a small ceremony.
In the Spring.
In the South of France.
Only 400 guests."
(Translation... Muffy is pregnant and married the pool boy, but we threw the wedding of the century anyway... we'll be paying for it for the rest of our lives... )
"Mark Sr. bought his new convertible this year. He has earned it, we're doing soooo well financially! We vacationed in Europe and spent the winter in Cabo."
(Mark is going through Sports Car Menopause. Now that we can travel extensively, he's chasing around after 20-somethings in other countries and he's making a total ass of himself. *These* are the privileges of being the wife of some big shot executive? You watch, I'll get the money, botox injections, and the house. Next year's letter will be all about ME!!)
"Swifty has taken a position with a large supermarket chain. He has unlimited potential for advancement."
(After being on probation for the last three years and turning 18 this year, Swifty decided he'd better straighten up. He's a bag boy in the grocery store... nowhere to go but up. Right? RIGHT?!!???)
So I want to know... where are the stories about stepping on Legos or in dog puke at 3 a.m. ?
Can't anyone admit that they're ALWAYS running out the door to something and twice in the last week have been forced to wear dirty socks or jeans because no one can keep up with the laundry?
How come no one talks about clipping coupons, the universal hatred of politicians or Uncle Harvey and his public ranting/nose picking?
Why is it that no one says, "I don't have anything really amazing to report, and my lack of literary skills prevents me from making up anything believeable.
But no matter... we're happy, healthy, reasonably sane and doing okay.
Hope this finds you the same."
I know this is older, but I wasn't reading back then. I followed the link in one of your current posts.
ReplyDeleteA great idea to dust it off, it's still VERY relevant and even better - it's hilarious!
We got a Christmas letter the year after my dad and nephew died. I could hardly make it through the entire thing. Every single sentence was punctuated with an exclamation point. The kids had all started to learn how to ski and had taken some vacation time with friends, and it was all exciting for my friend to report to me. I talked to her several months later and we talked about how hard it was to read. She was a good sport and laughed about it. She had no idea she'd done it. And considering the sort of home life she had when we were little, I was honestly glad to see exclamation points!
ReplyDeleteBut I *do* get your point. :)