This article What's so wrong with being selfish? - CNN.com
was posted on CNN last night. In a cursory reading of the comments, I found that many people agreed with the author... and a bunch of really bitter people did not.
I can't understand why anyone feels like her choice not to reproduce is a personal affront. Who cares? Really?
There are many people who had children who really should not have children, if you ask me. (And of course you want to know what I have to say about it, right?) I sometimes wish on their behalf that birth control could be retroactive.
:)
Eric and I had been married more than six years when Matt came along. He was a planned child. Six years later, we had Lyssa. Also planned. That worked for us. I love my kids and I'm glad we have them.
But you know, by the time we'd been married a year there were many subtle and not-so-subtle hints from family members that we really needed to be getting started with the whole reproduction thing.
It used to really annoy me, since they were basically telling me what to do, and it was my life, dammit!
So I agree 100% with the author and think that reproduction (or not reproducing) should be a personal choice, and that no one else has a right to decide that for anyone. I do not think a person who decides not to have children is selfish because of it, either.
What do you think?
And is it just me, or are people waaaay too involved in other people's business? Why do we feel threatened when the choices others make don't look like our choices?
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7 additions to my musings:
I was actually thinking about this very subject the other day as someone (a stranger, making small talk, Dr.'s office) was asking if we were going to have more children. We're not, very happy with our one. But I know some people desperately want more and can't and those kinds of conversations, which I have quite regularly, must tear them up. Which gets me to, people are idiots.
I have to whole heartedly agree with hollysjoy. We have one by choice and even waited 10 years to have her. A lot of people assume we were unable to have more (as far as we know we could have, but we're happy with one).
I have had dear friends over the years who have struggled with fertility problems. It breaks my heart everytime someone says something along the lines of "why don't you have more?" to me. If they were saying that to someone who struggled to have more it would be devasting each and every time. To me it is just annoying. And mindboggling how insenstive people are.
I hate those questions. Do people really know what they are asking??? I do not need to divulge my own personal information regarding my fertility, sex life and or use of birth control to just anyone. I also do not need to know yours--unless we are close friends and you need to talk about it.
We started our family the night we got married. I don't think that just because we did it that way means EVERYONE should do it that way. I also don't think that just because you have reproductive organs that it is imperative you use them to reproduce.
People have started asking us if we are planning on having more children since we are shopping for a bigger house. Ummmmmm aren't there other reasons to want to have an extra bedroom and bigger yard??? Do I have to fill this new place with babies???
My motto has always been "I'll stay out of your bedroom if you stay out of mine." It works in a surprisingly large number of situations--not just where babies are concerned.
My best friend knew when she was 20 that she never wanted kids. She has a wonderful life, great job, amazing husband and dog. She is not selfish at ALL!
We love our big family, my boys bring noise to my home that I rather enjoy (most of the time).. Each person has to decide that for themselves.
It goes further then to have or not to have kids. Women tend to be hardest on each other.
I agree, it's no one else's business and drives me nuts. Him and Her, my ex and his wife, would love to have kids. Have tried various ways to have kids, but none have worked and it's painful for them. I've seen several people make comments to them on how they ought to have kids, what are they waiting for, etc. Her can either make some polite comment, be bitchy (which, frankly would be my response) or go into personal details on why they aren't able to have kids.
why are people upset when we dont do what they do? i think it's jealousy pure and simple. we also go the speeches, from BEFORE we were even engaging in those types of activities as to when we were having kids, it was like, gee, you think we might get married and have sXe before you harp about us getting prego? Idiots. I finally had to get REALLY snotty before most of them would back off. I had a man, even, who I had only met twice beyatch at me about how I shouldnt' wait until we could afford it, that you could just put a baby anywhere, or we wouldn't end up having any. Meanwhile we lived in family housing with like 600 sq ft of living space or something like that, and I had a full time job making not quite 10 bucks an hour and my hubby worked part time and school full time. Yup, because that would make enough money to take care of a baby. I still regret not punching him in the face, he practically yelled at me about it. I will read the article in question, sounds interesting.
I also have multiple friends who have/had fertility problems and know the pain it causes them.
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